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Mystified by monogamy? Lost in the lingerie aisle? Confused by kinks or struggling with sex in general? Our resident agony aunt Prudence offers answers to PRUDE readers’ problems, to help direct and soothe, or at least make you laugh…
Q. How do I have casual sex as a trans man? Bored of having whole ass conversations about it – I just want to get laid, without having to explain it
A. In the same way that a cisgender bloke wouldn’t say, “Hello, I’m Dave and I was born with a penis, which I shall now proceed to use”, your gender identity, whilst an important part of you, shouldn’t have to be embedded in an introduction. People shouldn’t make you feel obliged to explain yourself in loads of detail for a casual hookup. You’re not hiding anything if you don’t give the full dissertation, and it’s unfair for anyone to expect that. People shouldn’t mind – if they’re attracted to you, they shouldn’t need to revise how you identify, what bits you have and why.
But that’s a lot of shoulds and shouldn’ts, and unfortunately not always how it is. We live in a world where people can be weird and unintuitive about gender identity, so when you’re out to get lucky, go to inclusive spaces where there’s a bigger undercurrent of acceptance and no expectation of heteronormativity.
PRUDE has a list of top LGBTQIA+ nights out in London, and here’s one for the whole of the UK – they’re generally more fun places to be than the average greasy dive like Tiger Tiger, PRYZM or The fuckin Roxy anyway. Though such holes are fun for a rancid night out with your housemates, they’re not prime pulling locations.
Also maybe have a witty line up your sleeve for if you do get asked about being trans – so that you can forego the long conversation if you don’t want to have it. You’ll think of something better, but say if someone drunkenly asks if you’re a man, you can respond with “More of one than you’ll ever be darlin’,” and leave it at that – if they can’t hack it then fuck ‘em, but not literally.
If you’ve got a problem to do with sex, relationships or anything Prude-ish, send in your question to Prudence at: ukprude@anonymous
Enjoyed this article? Read more here: Talk to Prudence: how to revitalise my nudes?